loneliness
In the past two years I’ve felt this emptiness growing inside of me. I’ve never felt more alone than any other point in my life. No friends, hardly any family. It just feels so empty.
All the people I used to talk to have moved on. I don’t hear from them, they don’t hear from me. Attempts are sometimes made to keep in contact but I never lasts more than a single little conversation in DMs. It makes me thing that I’m the problem, how cold I not be? I’ve experienced this a hundred times over at this point. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere and this feeling of isolation only grows.
I try to fill the void with things, attempts to bring people closer to me by seflishly asking things and putting them out into the world in hopes that someone will notice me and be my friend. But no one sees. No one really cares.
I shouldn’t feel this way, I know it’s not right but here I am. Feeling more alone than I’ve ever felt in my entire life.
I just want friends…. I want to belong to somewhere.
I need something more.
I just don’t feel like I’ll get it, like it’s too late. I want a more meaningful connection on my life. I want a group chat where I talk to my besties and send each other dumb videos. I don’t have that. I’ve never had that. I’ve never truly belonged anywhere.. and it kills me. It kills me every single day. I don’t know how to cope, how to deal with this. All the attempts I’ve made to foster any type of friend group or community fail.
I just want to belong.
The crushing loneliness and isolation of the internet hurts too much.